Texas Tabelog

Highland Noodles 金城兰州拉面
9188 Prestmont Pl Suite 110, Frisco, TX 75035
Google: 4.0 Stars (556 reviews)

Habibi-san’s Rating:

What elements contribute to a five star Google review? Does all “good” food start out at 3 stars and then the ambience of the restaurant along with the air conditioning, attentive service, natural light, and cleanliness push that bad boy up to a 4.5? Or is the subjectivity between reviews so categorically different from person to person that any grading system is impossible to standardize? What is the minimum rating on Google that you would need to see before eating there? For me, anything below a 3.5 with at least 500 reviews gives me pause. But why? I just drew a line in the sand for no reason other than perhaps food safety. Thanks to “super genius” Elon Musk benevolently providing 3G level Starlink service to all corners of the globe, it is safe to say that the age old phrase, “everyone’s a critic,” has literally come true.

While most of us deserve little more than “Read-Only” access to the Internet, it is imperative that we exercise some form of responsibility when leaving Google reviews. Coming from me, this is dangerously hypocritical. I am the same guy who left a two star review at an English-style pub condemning their dull dart tips. To be fair, the alleged owner had commanded me to stop leaning against “his” pool table after what must have been my sixth Black and Tan.

Of course, my system is as arbitrary as the rest. What I am seeking is any semblance of a middle ground. In theory, restaurant reviews should normally distribute around their average, much like any self-proclaimed cinephile’s closely curated Letterbox’d profile. Instead, more often than not, a fledgling restaurant has wordless five star reviews dotted with unhinged one star reviews that range from “the soup was cold” to “this Banh Mi gave me eczema.” My initial hypothesis is that everyone subconsciously submits reviews under the same guiding principles associated with flavor and recommendability:

• 5 Stars – Exceptional flavor and experience, I am a regular here.
• 4 Stars – Good flavor and experience, I would come back here.
• 3 Stars – I’m glad I tried it, I may or may not return.
• 2 Stars – Do not come here.
• 1 Stars – I have not left the bathroom for two days/I saw them stir the broth using their erection as a ladle.

I naively thought this general sentiment would be reflected worldwide. Surely all countries and cultures, no matter how radically different, would adhere to a basic Star System.

OK, so maybe restaurant google reviews can also be used for personal marketing. Good to know. Next time, at least tell us how you liked your food, Mr. Sabura!

However, one variable that is intentionally unincluded from my Star System is PRICE. If you are a human adult, price should factor into your review as much as the integer two should factor into a prime number. Go on your phone, close your short form media app, and look up the prices online. “Oh, quite interesting. This restaurant is out of my price range. I will refrain from taking my business there.” To reiterate, I am new to this. But, unless the tomahawk steak you ordered at Carbone comes out well done, why complain about price?

Take Sandoitchi for example. It is the only Japanese sandwich shop in a twenty mile radius. Smack dab in the middle of Downtown Dallas, this shop is serving authentic egg salad, chicken katsu, and strawberry cream sandos right across from the Giant Eyeball where rent has to be astronomical (I once tried to trick myself into renting an apartment in a historical building down the road before realizing that consistent nutrients were more important than floor to ceiling windows).

Would I rather have the larger portion sizes at Okatsu Katsu Sando Bar inside the H Mart in Carrolton instead? Yeah, maybe if it had not just “Permanently Closed.” It is important to realize that these types of restaurants are increasingly rare, especially in the bowels of 635’s inner loop. Instead we have “Local Guide” Cosmo over here complaining that this sando is FOUR DOLLARS MORE than when he first paid for it with a failing currency in the sando’s country of origin. Side note, he rates it a 5/10 and then gives the review 2 out of 5 stars; a perfect encapsulation of the average food reviewer’s inconsistency and grade level.

In my opinion, price should only be mentioned if the patrons should be charging MORE for their wares, not less. Affordability is a singular part of the dining experience, one I will reference if I see fit. They are not running a charity. God forbid if a restaurant is running at a 10% margin instead of the average 5%.

“But, Habibi-san, not all Google reviews are like that. You can’t pick and choose data that best suits your narrative.” Eh, my blog, my rules. I can and will manipulate data to my liking.

Now that my manifesto’s preamble is written, I can turn my sights to Highland Noodles 金城兰州拉面. I have a fairly robust backlog of photos and loosely outlined reviews for other restaurants, but I wanted to start with Highland Noodles 金城兰州拉面 because it highlights the spirit I want to curate for Texas Tabelog: mainly corporate lunch that is not Snappy Salads.

Comically efficient, I was seated at Highland Noodles 金城兰州拉面 with water and was pointed to the QR code at the corner of my table within ten seconds of entry. The lunch special was a beef bowl with your choice of Lanzhou hand pulled noodle thickness. I opted for the small flat noodles and an additional tea egg as my accoutrement.

With my back to the sun and my unwillingness to waste valuable seconds before the beef bowl hit my face, my iPhone 14 Pro produced this poor rendition of my meal.

My body was slick with sweat within thirty seconds. Stripping off my windbreaker and unbuttoning my polo, I hunkered down for a meal that would satisfy a black bear before its annual nap. I quickly discarded my chopsticks and opted for my soup spoon to gather the noodles that had been precut. To the fine people at Highland Noodles 金城兰州拉面, no need to cut the noodles, that is what my dental hygienist cleans my incisors for. Based on the portion size, I had correctly refrained from ordering soup dumplings from their dim sum menu. Thankfully, the dim sum chili oil and black vinegar garnishes sat tableside regardless of my body’s inability to order off two areas of the menu. I liberally added both to the broth until the sodium and spice levels were up to my preferences.

The tea leaf egg was slightly sweet and delicate. I was confused at first why the egg had been marinated with its shell, but that was before I cracked it to reveal marbled egg whites. Korean soy marinated eggs, mayak gyeran, or “crack eggs” as some Tik Tok Koreans lovingly call them, are marinated without their shell and bursting with umami and garlic power punches. While Chinese tea eggs are more subtle in flavor, they compensate with their artistic egg whites. However, I am still working tirelessly to find someone who can decorate an egg as beautifully as Frank Reynolds.

Ma al salama (さようなら ),
Habibi-san